Epiphany: I'm not proud of my beliefs

Epiphany: I'm not proud of my beliefs

I’ve been searching.

Long meditations, reading and chasing thoughts through my mind, only to find myself where I began.

Thoughts about what I want, what I need, what’s important, what I believe, who I am, you know — all that meaning of life jazz.

The more I think and read and learn, the more confused I become. Instead of strengthening what I believe to be true, I find myself even more unraveled. It’s frustrating. 

Then I saw something on Facebook today that gave me reassurance. It made me feel as though perhaps this state of unravel is exactly where I should be:

We shouldn’t be proud of our beliefs. This is because the simple fact that one believes in something does not mean that one has accomplished anything.

Our beliefs are nothing but a rigid, unchanging perspective on something. Not only should one not be proud of these mindsets, one should seek to escape them.

This is because the more vehemently one believes, the less open one is to wisdom. Wisdom comes from questioning your ideas about things. We grow, and we learn. Hopefully, we also become wiser than we once were.

Perhaps I’m not so lost after all. Maybe this state of unknowing that I perceived as weakness is actually strength and wisdom. As I look beyond the things I
should believe
should prioritize
should accept as truth
should aspire to be
and question their validity, I get closer to my truth.
My belief.
My dreams.
Not the truths, beliefs and dreams I was taught to believe by a Barbie Dream House commercial, or even all the teachers in my life who I greatly respect. 

My truth isn’t black or white. It isn’t this or that. It’s wishy-washy and now I believe that it’s perfect that way. I’ll bathe in the wishy-washy until it becomes an ocean of knowledge. That’s what I desire.

Not a Barbie Dream House. In fact, if Barbie herself had a soul I think she’d agree that the Dream House, convertible and pet shop didn’t bring her peace, just profits. 

If we all questioned ourselves more and opened up to the possibility that what we have believed and been told could be wrong, we could have meaningful discussions rather than senseless debates. We could trade “us” and “them” for “we.” And perhaps we could find peace, with ourselves and with one another.

One can dream. And as individuals, we can find peace inside ourselves. Because we can’t spread it if we don’t have it. 

Question more. Be curious, be wrong and be open. 

Namaste. 

Epiphany: I'm not proud of my beliefs
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