Waiting

Waiting

The days are long.

The nights are short.

I pee at least once an hour.

And getting out of bed is an athletic feat.

If you've ever been 39 weeks pregnant, I'm sure you feel my pain.

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I shouldn't complain. We're so fortunate that this pregnancy came easily — we don't take that for granted.

And with the exception of a horrible first trimester, this pregnancy has been beautiful. There's something magical about feeling the little one's sweet kicks. Watching them grow as my womb expands. Dancing with them on my mat as we flow together. Watching my husband's eyes animate as he reads Bump a bedtime story each night.

But as we near the end, I'm feeling cramped. Uncomfortable. And eager to finally meet the little nugget I've been sharing this body with for 9+ months. Gaze into his or her eyes. Kiss their forehead. Breathe in their sweet scent. Feel their wiggling limbs on my chest. 

Every time I wake up to go to the bathroom (which is often), my first thought is "Is this it?" ... only to be disappointed when I realize the urge is to pee, not push. 

Before I start each day, I wonder if it's THE day.

Before I lie down in my sea of pillows (6 pillows to be exact ... sorry, husband), I wonder if it will happen tonight.

Baby is giving me a lesson here. And it's to let go. To trust. To allow this little one to decide when he or she is ready to greet the world.

Easier said than done.

My mind:

  • Is today the day?
  • Inhale. Exhale. Let go.
  • Was that a contraction?
  • What if I have to be induced?
  • Ouch, that hurt.
  • Will I be pregnant forever?
  • Cara, LET GO. 
  • OK baby, I trust you. BUT SERIOUSLY CAN YOU COME OUT NOW?
  • I have to pee again.

There are few true surprises in life. This is one of them. I'm trying my best to stay positive. To savor these last days together in this body. To have a more yogi outlook.

But patience is not coming easily.

I don't think that makes me a bad mom or yogi. I think that makes me human. Being a human is fucking hard.

There's no end to this post. Or a point, really. Just some ramblings from an impatient preggo. I have to pee (again) so I'll just end it here.

Send good vibes, one way or another this baby will be here soon! 

How I'm preparing for childbirth

How I'm preparing for childbirth