I’m not going with the flow anymore. I’m designing the life I want.
Intention Of The Week (Jan. 14-20)
Have you ever looked at your to-do list and felt a little overwhelmed?
I was having one of those moments. I quit my job thinking I'd have all this free time. Once my maternity leave was officially over on January 1, my schedule quickly filled up.
Plus, Memphis went from napping six hours a day to just three hours a day (three 1-hour naps). He's still sleeping through the night which is fantastic (see how we did this here), he's just outgrowing the sleepy newborn phase.
My husband came home from work on Friday and could sense that I was stressed. I wasn't complaining about it. I certainly didn't want him to think I was ungrateful. This life I get to live is amazing. I really mean that. There's nothing better than watching Memphis become more and more curious about his world each day, and I'm happy I don't have to miss all those magical moments.
But time. There's only so much of it. And once again, this blog seems to be at the bottom of the to-do list.
That's not what I want. I want to do more with this. I have ideas. Things I want to share with you. Free yoga videos anybody can do (stay tuned — it's going to happen!) ... but all of that takes time.
My sweet husband helped me so much that night, more than he knew.
I worked on some freelance projects until 11pm while he did anything he could to take other stresses off of me. He did laundry, dishes, took care of Memphis, picked up the house. And he did it all with a smile on his face.
These aren't tasks that are solely mine — even though I'm a stay-at-home mom and have CHOSEN to do most of the housework, it's a responsibility we share — but knowing that they were taken care of did help ease some of my stress.
Then, after I was finished working for the night, he gave me the pep talk I needed.
"It's wonderful that you're so concerned with making money," he said. "But now's the time to invest in YOU. You need to create some time in your schedule to work toward your dream."
He was right. I've put this pressure on myself that I need to at least make close to the salary I had before. So I can prove myself ... I don't know who I need to prove myself to ... but clearly it's somebody I think is really important.
We're in a fortunate position right now — one where I don't have to make up for all of that salary. Some of it, yes. But we've agreed to make some sacrifices so that I can stay at home with Memphis while following my dreams.
"You won't look back five or 10 years from now and remember a few hundred bucks you made on that freelance project," he said. "But you will remember the time you chased your dream to make it happen."
He was right. I was looking at tomorrow, not a five years from now. And then I realized this stress was 100% designed by me. I'm the one putting the pressure on myself. I'm the one agreeing to more jobs and tight deadlines.
All month long my intention is around the theme of FOUNDATION. Last week I used the mantra "I am worthy of my dreams." Which has really given me a foundation of strong self-worth. I do believe I am worthy of my dreams. Now I just need to actually work toward them.
My intention this week is to plan for the life I want. Say "yes" to the right things and "no" to the others. Become the architect of my life, instead of just taking on any opportunity that presents itself to me.
There's a balance here. I'm going to continue to freelance. Because money. But I'm not going to keep piling on more and more projects. And I'm going to create more time in my week to work — on freelance projects and also on the projects I want to share with all of you.
Take a look at your schedule. The one you designed. Is it setting you up for the life you want? Or are you just doing the same thing every day out of habit?
Sometimes we have to do things we don't love. Life is a balance. There must be good and bad. But even if you hate your job, is it a means to getting to an end you desire? Maybe it is just paying the bills, but you can reframe that. It's not "just" paying the bills — it's giving you and your family the support you need. And if it really is horrible, why aren't you looking for another opportunity?
We can't change the circumstances life has given us. We can't change our backgrounds, we can't undo events from our past. But we can take everything from our past, sketch up designs of our future and start building toward it piece by piece in the present.